You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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