u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize