By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
