she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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