Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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