I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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