im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
