Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
