Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
