so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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