I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
