Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he fucked my hip out of place.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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