you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
