I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
