My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
