So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
