I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
