Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
