I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
