I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
