Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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