I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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