all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Girls should come with a carfax report
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
