I wish I only lived at night.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
only you would photoshop your dick
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
