WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We need a shit load of segways right now
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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