Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
