Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
