hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Four minutes until I can fart!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
