Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
