im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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