im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize