Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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