nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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