is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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