Even the bartender felt bad for me
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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