he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
