I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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