I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
