hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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