You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize