at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
