he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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