the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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