3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
