there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
