im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
