The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
