i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
