I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
