i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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