I'm so fucking centered right now
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
