ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
