He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I want to fling myself into the sun
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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