This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
