That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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