you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
