there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
