Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
