I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
