the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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