I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
