do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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