I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
