we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
