I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
