I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
