I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
