I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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