remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
